Weekends with my Auntie Judy were the best gift my mom could give me growing up. I could feel my excitement ping ponging in my chest as my mom and I would go to White Plains Metro North Station to travel to the Bronx for my visit. Every time our train pulled away from the station I watched trees whirl by and immediately I wondered what transpired in these little strips of uninhabited land tucked behind houses. Did people camp in them at night? Were the animals I saw on a Disney worthy journey? My mind created stories for entertainment until the train’s doors opened and revealed Fordham’s station with my aunt smiling at its steps.
I loved going on many adventures in Manhattan with my aunt but when it rained I loved our at home adventures. My aunt’s desk would be covered in an avalanche of papers, post-it-notes and manuals. But what mattered to me most was her Windows 98 computer that hummed on standby mode. I enjoyed playing Mavis Beacon, Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego and Madeline.
I thought my aunt’s computer only existed for her coursework and my games until one early morning I saw my aunt open a green screened program. I creeped up to my aunt’s side and saw playing cards shuffling in one by one until there were many cards facing upwards. My aunt took a big sip of her coffee and began to click away in a pattern I had yet to learn. It was exciting, it was satisfying to watch and after a few games I asked my aunt what she was doing. She told me that before she starts her work or studies she plays a few games of Solitaire to get into the swing of things.
This memory came to me after completing my self imposed detox from Tik Tok. For five days I abstained from consuming Tik Tok and would only open the app to upload content for my page. With the help of my Screen Time app I saw that pre detox my time on Tik Tok averaged at 10 hours a day. Knowing that I have 24 hours per day, the first 6 hours of the day I’m asleep, 9 hours are dedicated to work and I fall asleep by 10pm. Reading that I give 10 hours of my day to Tik Tok made me curious as to what my relationship with this app truly stemmed from.
If you asked me why I used Tik Tok so frequently, my pre-made mental response would be that it is due to creating content. I spend a lot of time on app editing but I also consume toks in order to keep up with current trends.
What I discovered from my five days of data collection was a reward system that I put in place to manage the consequences of my insane work stress. Just as my aunt explained that she played Solitaire so that she can take the edge off before and after engaging with work. I followed her lead in telling myself to get through X amount of hard work tasks, I can have X amount of minutes on Tik Tok. Whenever I had a negative customer call or co-worker interaction I opened Tik Tok to see how many more likes or comments I got on my recently posted content for a hit of Serotonin to continue on as a worker drone for the day. My last observation was that after a mentally taxing day I used Tik Tok as a way to numb my mind as a reward for dealing with such a hard work day. The words, “ I earned it” would echo as the reason for the 10 hours I willingly gave up each day to this app.
I’m thankful for my detox experiment as it offered encouragement. The days that I abstained from Tik Tok I tested whether my content would be successful even without engaging with other content or users. I was presented with the truth that my content will be successful off of the strength of what it provides my viewers. Just as Hari discovered his Twitter was fine after returning from his stay in Provincetown.
I will continue to connect with the version of me from my memory. Whether I stare out a window and make a new story or I create a new luxurious body wash or I take a hike in Sleeping Giant. Whenever I am attempting to manage my work stress, I will choose to activate my flow state so that I can recharge and add fulfillment to my life.